Monday, December 31, 2007


I had to go to the bank, so I thought I'd suggest to the kid that we go Downtown and eat lunch and look around. I forgot that there were going to be 70,000 football fans there. And $20 parking. I guess it serves me right for my bad teeth joke yesterday.

Just kidding there yesterday, Kentucky folks. Go Wildcats.

Breaking News

Marv Levy, 82, is stepping down as GM of the Buffalo Bills. My money has him taking over the coaching job at Penn State.

Sunday, December 30, 2007

Two Things

1. I took my kid to Dave and Buster's in Opry Mills today.

2. There are a lot of Kentucky fans in town for the Music City Bowl.

That is all.

(Note to self: Don't make a "wish I had a mobile dental service" joke. Don't make a "wish I had a mobile dental service" joke.)

Saturday, December 29, 2007

Stupid Government

There is a story in the Scene about abuse of power at the Tennessee Alcoholic Beverage Commission. If you are interested in members of our Government being too big for their britches, go read it and come back.

We have gone through stupid state alcohol law discussions on this and other local Tennessee blogs before. Things like not being able to buy wine in a grocery store or on Sunday. Not being able to buy certain hard-to-find and boutique wines in the store, or by direct shipment. Not being able to buy beer at one of Tennessee's biggest boondoggles ever, the Bear Trace Golf Trail. Not being able to buy a wine opener or wine glasses at a liquor store.

But this story just goes too far. I know the people involved here. I know Ed Fryer, and I've met Melanie Armstrong, although she may or may not remember me. I met her at one of her tastings, and I found her to veery educated and good at what she does. I also know about many of the ridiculous bureaucratic hoops that have to be jumped through to host a wine tasting. The reason everyone has to jump through the hoops is not because they make sense, but because the ABC tells them to. So you do what they say, because they have the power to arrest you. And guns.

But the fact that they would use that power in this situation is frightening. To be arrested and have your car title seized because of botched paperwork for a singles' wine tasting at an established restaurant? That's out of control.

Every few years, there is an uproar about gutting our stupid alcohol laws. Every time, that uproar comes and goes. Sometimes a bill is introduced, and it just fizzles away. Because the people who have the power and money in the booze business,have all the power and money, and they ain't about to give it up. Even if it means a woman who tries to host an educational wine class at Cabana ends up going to jail.

That kind of shit really pisses me off. Concerning the next election that rolls around: I don't care if you're an atheistic communist sodomite, if you run on a gut-the-TABC platform, you've got my vote.

Throw the bums out, and let's throw a gin-soaked party on a Sunday.

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Once again, my kid comes through, kicking ass.

"Daddy, you'll probably laugh when you open my present for you, but I think you'll like it."

Behold the Monday Night Football boxers.

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Christmas Confession

I have never seen "It's a Wonderful Life." Another year of keeping the streak intact.

Monday, December 24, 2007

Titanic Beat Down!

I went to the Titan's beat-down of the New York Jets yesterday. It was a thing to behold. TEN to SIX, BABY! That's domination! We kicked their asses by FOUR points! Yeah, baby!

Good Lord, this has been a tough season to watch. Lendale left, Lendale right, stand up, sit down, fight fight fight.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

me love you longtime

Britney Spears' sister, Jamie Lynn is pregnant by her "longtime boyfriend."

She's 16. She can't have a "longtime boyfriend." Kurt Russell is a longtime boyfriend. Dude that knocked up a 16-year-old isn't.

Internet Weirdness

I like to check in now and again with my pals over at Music City Bloggers. A strange thing has been happening lately. I can't get that site to load at home. It started a couple of weeks ago, on a weekend, and I thought the site was down. On Monday, I got to work and it was fine and there was no mention of being off-line. It has been that way ever since.

I have occasional time-outs on other sites. Sometimes the Tennessean won't come in, but it usually fixes itself in minutes or hours at the worst. Not so with MCB. It's just gone. Maybe they don't like South Nashville.

Ya'll can talk bad about me over there if you want, just keep it to nights and weekends.

(I suspect it's a Comcast issue, but if I call them, someone in Canada will just tell me to do all the stuff I've already tried.)

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

My Dog Ate My Breathalyzer

Rob Briley is claiming that he was on his way to rehab when he got famously pulled over for drunk driving.

“On Sept. 8, I was advised a bed was available and I could enter rehabilitation on that day. I remember getting in my vehicle and beginning to drive west in the direction of Cumberland Heights.

“I have no further memory of Sept. 8.”
Either he is the worst liar in the world, or he was involved in the most ironic drunk driving arrest ever.

Of course, we can just check out his story, can't we. Let's call Cumberland Heights and see if it's true.

Oh, wait, that stuff is all confidential, isn't it? Guess we'll just have to believe him.

Nashville First Grade Christmas Pageant

I'm not going to say stuff like this only happens in Nashville. It probably happens all the time in L.A. and New York and Paris. But I doubt it happens much in Johnson City or Des Moines.

Scene: First Grade Christmas Pageant. Visiting with another kid's dad --

Me: Wow, you just got back , huh? What were you doing in London?

Other Kid's Dad: We went to see Led Zeppelin. It was great.

Me: You went to see Zeppelin?! You bastard!

OKD: Well, I know John Paul Jones pretty well. He called and invited us. What was I supposed to do?

Me: (Notices some tall dude in the corner. What's that guy's name? Oh, yeah, Joe Nichols. I didn't know his kid went to school here. turns back) What were you supposed to do? Call me, that's what! I would have killed to see Zeppelin . . .

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Lost Cat

I just got home from the Green Hills Kroger. There is a sign up about a lost cat, with a picture. PLEASE, if you have seen this cat, call the number on the sign!

Saturday, December 08, 2007

This site could be called "Attractive Women Photographed with Men of Questionable Social Standing," but it wouldn't be nearly as funny.

Saturday, December 01, 2007

Giving Away Veterinary Secrets

I played golf with my pal the Veterinarian today. The following conversation occurred on the 18th tee, while waiting for the group in front to clear.

Me: Dude, my dog's breath is worse than ever.

Vet: We can clean her teeth if you want.

Me: It's not her teeth, her breath literally smells like shit.

Vet: Well, she's probably eating her own shit.

Me: Is there anything I can do about that?

Vet: Sprinkle Adolph's Meat Tenderizer on her food. It will make her stop eating her own shit.

Me: (Dumbfounded stare)

Vet: Just do it! I do this for a living, ya know!

Got me some Adolph's on the way home.