Nashville Knucklehead

Inventing new ways to mess with your head

5cr6s6ft c6nt5n4es t6 5nvent new ways t6 0ess w5th y64r head. the 3atest 5s the secret n40ber 36c2 2ey that y64 can acc5denta33y *4sh and 5t w533 0ess w5th y64r head f6r h64rs. th5n2 that 5t 6n3y affects w6rds that y64 ty*e w5th y64r r5ght hand. The 36ngest w6rd y64 can ty*e w5th y64r 3eft hand 5s stewardesses.

Translation of the above paragraph: Microsoft continues to invent new ways to mess with your head. The lastes is the secret number lock key that you can accidentally push and it will mess with your head for hours. I think that it only affects words that you type with your right hand. The longest word you can type with your left hand is stewardesses.

This is a new computer. The first secret weapon I found, which I have to blame Sony for and not Microsoft, is the wireless on/off switch. It is a tiny little switch that is on the front of the computer which can quite easily be turned off with your stomach if you actually use your laptop in your lap. I spent an hour with Comcast tech support, bought a new USB cord for my wireless router and missed three days of internet usage last month before I discovered that stupid switch. Why would you want to turn off your wireless access? Beats me.

So, yesterday when my keyboard started typing what seemed to be completely random crap, I did what anyone else would do. I restarted the computer. Didn't help. I thought maybe the keyboard had switched to Farsii or something and I wanted to change it back, so I went to the control panel and opened the keyboard icon to troubleshoot. It asked me if my keyboard was attached with a USB or serial port. It is a laptop, so it is neither. Since I couldn't answer the first question, the help file was stumped. And since the problem was with the keyboard, I couldn't go online and type anything into a search engine to figure it out.

I finally found the Num Lk key. What stupid engineer with too much time on his hands came up with this. My goddam computer asks me if I'm sure I want to close programs and if I'm sure I want to save things and if I'm sure I want to go to the C: drive and if I'm sure I want to go to a website that doesn't have some "certificate" before I can do any of those tasks. Yet, when it comes to obscure buttons that can accidentally be engaged to make your computer completely useless, you're on your own.

I shoulda got a Mac.

posted by Nashville Knucklehead @ 9:31 AM