Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Why golf is the stupidest game ever.

Being a holiday, I had a rare afternoon to recreate yesterday, so I met the Veternarian for a round of golf out at the President's Reserve in Hermitage. I was hitting them great on the range, but then got out on the course and started stinking it up. My first five holes went 6,6,4,6,6. Let me explain that to you non-golfers in layman's terms: that's just plain shitty golf.

But I don't play much lately, so we're hacking around, both of us losing balls in the woods or in the lakes, I even quit keeping score. We get to number 11, which is one of the most beautiful golf holes in Middle Tennessee, and I mention to the vet that in all the times I've played there, I've never hit the fairway. Sure enough, we both hit monster drives, right down the middle. That hole is cart-path only, so we park and walk out to the middle, and I'm thinking maybe I can salvage the day. 155 yards, uphill, pin in back, smooth 7-iron should do the trick. Chunk, 30-yards short of the green into the bunker. The vet is 5 yards closer, and he chunks his 10 yards short and right. We walk back to the cart, which is 195 yards away, and I grab a scuffed up ball I had found in the woods, threw it on the ground, grabbed a four iron, and without putting on my glove said, "this game isn't that fucking hard!" took a swing and knocked it two feet from the flag.

One of my best four-irons ever. It didn't count.

Stupid game.


At 1:24 PM , Blogger ceeelcee said...

Judge Smails: Ty, what did you shoot today?
Ty Webb: Oh, Judge, I don't keep score.
Judge Smails: Then how do you measure yourself with other golfers?
Ty Webb: By height.

I guess you'd beat me that way, too.

Nice 4 iron, fucker.

At 5:19 AM , Blogger newscoma said...

My only experience with golf is wrecking a golf cart into a Cadillac at age 14.
Oh, and I have gone out and hit balls.
But that's about it.

I know, I said balls.


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