Thursday, July 06, 2006

Clean Sweep

My parents are coming to visit next week. That's good because my kid will actually spend an entire week at my house. I've been so busy at work that I hardly see her these days. There's another phenomenom that happens when my parents visit. Things will get cleaned. And cleaned. And cleaned. And my mother will point out everything she cleaned, and tell me how she cleaned it. And she will clean anything no matter how clean it already is, and she'll make my dad clean.

They came to visit me once in college, years ago. I lived in a garage apartment. It was a hovel. I was in college, fercrissake. I spent several days cleaning before they arrived. Despite all that cleaning, my mother was disgusted with the state of the place, and spent the whole time cleaning. She now lives under the assumption that I still live in squalor. She even said in an email that the are bringing old clothes so they can do whatever has to be done. Translation: We know you live in filth, so I am going to take this opportunity to clean your place up.

When I was married, she never cleaned when she came to visit. I live as clean now as I did then. I'm not in college anymore. I guess she assumed the wife was the one cleaning. I know how to clean. I learned from the best. My dad will clean, too, but only because she's going to tell him to.

(I watched my dad measure some water in a measuring cup, then put it in the dishwasher. I said, "Dad, it's just water. You're going to wash water with soap and water?" He said, "It's easier than arguing with your mother.")

I scrubbed the tub the other day. It is clean. She'll clean it. I have a pool. Last summer she cleaned the diving board. I'm serious. She cleaned the diving board. With bleach and a scrub brush. I have a bathroom in the pool house. More of a pool shack, really. There is a shower in there. It's been in there for decades. I've had the house for two years. I've never used the pool shower. It's filthy. She'll probably clean it.

The woman likes things clean. Maybe I'll finally start taking showers out by the pool.

When she gets home, she'll send an email to all the friends and family talking about how nice it was to visit with me and the granddaughter, but they are exhausted from all the work they did to help me out. All the work meaning all the cleaning.

She likes things clean.

5 Comments:

At 8:06 PM , Blogger bridgett said...

Wait! You're my...brother? Christ, Mom never told me she was heading for Nashville this weekend.

In other weirdness, I had a very vivid dream about you. You were sitting on your couch with a six-string playing and singing "Reason to Believe." You can sing the hell out of that song, dude, if my subconscious is to be believed.

 
At 11:40 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

well, at least your restaurant, er BBQ shack, is clean. That is, I noticed your health score was above a 95 last time I was in.

Cleaned the diving board? Shit, and I thought I was anal retentive....

 
At 11:40 PM , Blogger Ryan said...

Ah, mothers and their sons... Ain't it grand? And I mean that, sans sarcasm, in the truest sense. I would venture that this quirk (?) of hers is endearing to you on as many levels as it is annoying.

Hey, and when she finishes with Casa des Knuck, PLEASE send her to Bellevue. I'm getting tired of stepping over hairballs and toys. And my stove is filthy. My living room? I tripped over a dust bunny yesterday. Think I pulled a muscle.

GD Evan Williams... What time is it? Where are my pants?

Best,
Ryan

 
At 1:18 AM , Blogger SistaSmiff said...

Once Mother Knuck tires of cleaning your clean, send her to Hendersonville. I could keep her busy.

 
At 8:10 AM , Anonymous ChrisYub said...

and when she is finished at your place, SistaSmiff, send her to Texas!

 

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