Nashville Knucklehead

Big 'uns

There is one man who, in my opinion, has influenced the lives of more women over the last 50 years than all other men combined. And, personally, I don't think it is a good influence. That man is Hugh Hefner.

It started out honorably enough. Start a magazine without the constraints of sexual inhibitions, freely talk about all things, politics, high-end audio, music, sex and candy. Oh, yeah, and have pictures of naked women.

Then along came plastic surgery. Hef has an obvious propensity to put vapid looking blondes with the biggest tits he can find in his magazine. The alternative is a vapid looking brunette with the biggest tits he can find. And I think that it is directly correlated with the massive amount of breast augmentation surgery that has occured in the last twenty years.

According to urban anthropologists (I think that's what they call themselves), Playboy is the least thrown away magazine published in the last 50 years. In other words, if you make a living digging through landfills and categorizing what you find, that magazine is hardly ever found. It has had a major impact on our perception of what is a "beautiful" woman. And, I hate to tell you, but it is what Hugh Hefner thinks is a "beautiful" woman. I think if he had a fondness for "normal" looking women, we would never have all the Pam Andersons of the world today.

When Pam first appeared in the magazine, she was absolutely, stunningly beautiful. Naturally beautiful. Now, she looks like a clown. I knew a girl in college who became a centerfold. She had dyed blonde hair and huge fake tits. She said they asked her to dye her muff, so the carpet would match the drapes. She ended up marrying a rock star. So I guess it was all worth it.

Women say they have big tits put in "for myself" or "to make clothes fit better" or "to help my confidence." Fact is, to only reason to get bigger tits put in is to have bigger tits. Woo-hoo. My ex-wife got them in her mid 30s. She chose her doctor because "he does all the strippers." I practically begged her not to do it. And if she insisted, I begged her not to get huge ones. She lied to me about what size she chose, she got big 'uns. A couple years later, she said if she had it to do all over, she would have gone even bigger. And I think it all goes back to Hef.

I watched his reality show the other night, with him and his three girlfriends. He is getting to be a dottering old fool enough to where he is now intelectually aligned with his girls. It makes for good theater. Unfortunately, I think it is too late for him to undo his enormous boob legacy.

posted by Nashville Knucklehead @ 8:45 AM