Friday, February 03, 2006

Go Away

Go away.

Nothing personal, you seem like a very nice man. Probably married your high school sweetheart. I bet you give blood and build houses for the poor in your spare time. But, for the love of God, please go the fuck away.

It started out as a clever ad campaign. You were a huge fat fuck. You thought it would be a good idea to lose weight by eating two Subway sandwiches every fucking day until you slimmed down. Two Subway sandwiches every fucking day? For what, two years or something? What kind of freak could even do that? You, I guess. You wrote a letter to Subway. They made you a case study for the healthiness of eating thier crappy sandwiches. It should have lasted a couple of months. "I was a fat fuck. Now I'm not. Thank you, Subway!" Two months. That's it.

But they kept you on. And on, and on. Now you're their spokesman. Sorry, you're just not well-spoken. When you say "buh-bye burgers," I want to put my foot through my flatscreen and kill my dog. You were a fat fuck. Now you're not. It's over.

Nothing personal, you probably rescue kittens and do cancer research in your spare time. I'm sure you're a nice guy. Just fucking go away.


At 3:43 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

BTW, Jared is paid $5000 a day to visit cities so that Subway Employees can have their picture taken with him and his fat pants.

At 1:02 AM , Blogger Kat Coble said...

I'll let anyone in this city pay me $3.95 to take a picture with my fat pants.

Of course, I'm still wearing my fat pants snugly around my waist, butt and hips, but even's a bargain.


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