Thursday, February 16, 2006

Anderson v. Sanders

I got a phone call from Pamela Anderson this morning.


Hello, this is Pamela Anderson, who am I speaking with?

This is Knuck L. Head

I'm calling to ask that you boycott the Kentucky Derby, because their main sponsor, Yum! Brands owns Kentucky Fried Chicken and they're mean to chickens.

Well, Pam, if you're not going, can I have your ticket?

No, Mr. Head, you don't understand. KFC is mean to chickens, so I want you to boycott the Derby. Plus racing horses for our benefit is mean, too.

I thought horses liked to run. Another thing, I liked your tits a lot better before you got all that ridiculous surgery.

Can I count on you to boycott the Derby?

No, actually I really like the Derby. I went to high school in Louisville, it is one of my favorite days of the year. I like bourbon and horse racing.

But what about those poor chickens at KFC?

I like Mrs. Winner's better.

Mr. Head, please. We have to be more evolved than this. This is cruel to animals. Please boycott the Derby with me.

Look, Pammy, if you don't want to go, that will only leave 149,999 people there. I think Kentucky Fried Chicken will continue to kill chickens. I would rather you boycott Kentucky Fried Chicken because they are using "Sweet Home Alabama" as their new theme song. Doesn't that bother you?

Well, I never thought about it. I just want to be nice to animals.

So should we just let all the animals go free? I know that even my little shit of a dog could kill a chicken in 15 or 20 bloody minutes. Would you prefer that?

No, that's not what I want. I just want animals to be treated with dignity. Aren't you worried about animal dignity?

What about your dignity? Did you make your tits so ridiculously, comically huge because it makes Tommy's Louisville Slugger look more to scale?

That's not funny.

It's hilarious.



At 12:32 AM , Blogger Ryan said...

"I liked your tits a lot better before you got all that ridiculous surgery."--And here I thought I was the only one who preferred P's tits before the surgery(ies). Why tinker with near perfection?



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