Tuesday, February 21, 2006

The Buck Stops Here

I am going to attempt to address Aunt B's ongoing quest to understand Libertarianism/Feminism/Christianityism/ and all the other -isms, from the point of view of me, the ultimate oppressor, the white American man. Actually, I'm going to try to help her understand me, and that's about it.

While I try to devote this forum to funny tales of crazy chicks and blow jobs of yesteryear, Auntee B got to me the other day when she posted a long and eloquent argument (as only she can do, 3 or 4 times a day) about how straight men should not stand for the messages sent by society that we are all pigs. I told her that we didn't hear such messages, then made a witty and charming remark about eating my own poop for lunch. She responded as though we were an old married couple. She ignored what I said and asked if maybe I actually heard the messages and subconciously internalized them. She didn't like my answer, so she asked the question a different way. Well, the answer is still no, I don't hear the messages in society about how men are pigs, and now I'm here to tell you why.

I am a WASP. We are the root of all evil. Period. We hear it all the time. As a younger man, it bothered me. When I came of age, Phil Donahue was bringing on all these feminists whose mantra, over and over, was "men are pigs." He'd run around in the audience and stick a microphone in the faces of all these women and they would all say the same thing. "Men only use us as sex objects." "They're pigs, the lot of them." "Piggy, piggy piggy, oink, oink, oink." Men are pigs because of centuries of "keeping us down." It definitely affected my behavior when I was younger. I made sure I could never be accused of "using" a woman. It took a long, long, long time for me to realize that sometimes women were using me, not the other way around. And it happenes a whole lot more than I care to believe, because women are, first and foremost, people. I may be a pig, but someone has to reach down into the garbage disposal when it's clogged.

Every group has something to bitch about except us. We hear it from the blacks, gays, Asians, Muslims and midgets.Therefore, we are pigs. It is the "moral superiority of the victim" syndrome. Because my great-great grandfather wouldn't let women vote, you're somehow better than me because you would have never let that kind of thing happen, therefore, I'm a pig. Because my great-great-great-great grandfather owned slaves, I owe black people some of my money. And on. And on. And on.

So, back to the point of not hearing it, As I said, I used to hear it, but there is nothing I can do about it. We are the only group that isn't allowed to complain about being oppresed. We can't form an NAAWP, or a Metro Council White Caucus or a National Organization for Men, because of our history. "Golddigger" was nominated for a Grammy. I couldn't sing it in a club, because someone would be offended when I said, "broke niggaz." Gay guys call themselves queer and fags, I'm not allowed. And on. And on. And on.

So the point is, I do hear it all the time, I've just completely become de-sensitized to it. I block it out. Libertarians sort of block it out, but not all the way. That's why libertarians are mostly white men. They're guys who are just tired of being blamed for everything and bitched at by everyfuckingbody. Some guys can't block it out at all. They usually end up in a cabin in Utah with 2 years worth of food and water and a whole lot of firepower. But most guys I know give the whole topic a big yawn and a rousing "whetever." We fucked you all over. I know. Sorry. How many times are you going to remind us? Bitch at us all you want. What are we supposed to do? There is no where else to go. We have no one to bitch at. The buck stops with us. Eventually we realize that and we ignore it. We're too busy trying to get shit done to worry about it.

None of this is new. It's been going on forever. Not all white American men think like me. A lot of men are pigs. There are men who are racists and sexist and homophobes. That's because we're all people first. The sub categories come later. So people can bitch about my group all they want. I really honestly don't give a shit. I don't let others define my self-worth. Like all people, I'm just trying to get by in this limited window of life we are given. I'm not trying to oppress anyone. I'm just trying to figure out what the fuck I'm doing here. And the older I get, the more I realize that nobody, and I mean nobody, has any idea what the fuck they are doing here.

And Aunt B., if you need someone to reach into you clogged disposer, just let me know, you cute little ol' feminist. /* virtual smack on the ass*/


At 3:27 PM , Blogger W said...

Sing it brother. (high five)

At 3:53 PM , Blogger Exador said...

I fight fire with fire.

"We were slaves on this land before you!"

They're guys who are just tired of being blamed for everything and bitched at by everyfuckingbody.


At 6:06 PM , Blogger Aunt B said...

It makes me a little sad to interrupt this meeting of the Poor Put-Upon White Men, but I must address a few of the points of this post.

First, because I'm a woman so I am genetically incapable of letting little shit like this go, I must point out that when you said "I don't hear the messages in society about..." you then turn right around and say "We hear it all the time." So, aha! I was right. You do too hear it and are well aware of it, even if you choose to ignore it.

Second, do y'all really want to be able to say nigger in public? Or to be able to call people queers and fags? Because, seriously, you guys already can. Folks will just think you're evil. But if people already think you're so evil, what's stopping you?

Third, you can smack my ass any time you want.

At 7:08 PM , Blogger Nashville Knucklehead said...

Poor Put-Upon White Men

That's exactly my point. *sigh* Just forget I said anything.

when you said "I don't hear the messages in society about..." you then turn right around and say "We hear it all the time." So, aha! I was right.

I normally agonize over every word and punctuation mark on everything I write. Of course I'm usually telling stories about some blow job I got 20 years ago. So when I wrote this, I was aware of that contradiction, but I was running late to pick my kid up at school. They charge by the minute if you're late. I thought "Aunt B. writes posts ten times this length, 5 times a day. I bet she doesn't agonize over every word." So I hit publish. Yes you are right. Bully for you. Once again, you win over the poor put-upon white man. It is definitely all my fault. Again.

(See, it's just easier to just give in.)

At 7:43 PM , Blogger Aunt B said...

Holy shit! It's that easy? In that case, get over here right now and change my oil, unclog my tub, kiss me softly on the back of my neck and tell me I'm the best blogger in the whole damn world.

Woo! The power... it's almost too much for me.

At 8:38 AM , Blogger Exador said...

I am SO gonna smack Aunt B's ass the next time I see her. Hopefully, it'll be in front of a group of her feminist cronies.
I think all call her "cupcake" at the same time.

At 9:45 AM , Blogger Exador said...

Not that I have any srong inclinations to do so, but you can't say nigger in public, at least as far as calling someone a nigger during a confrontation, at least not here in Georgia.

Regardless of the circumstances your confrontation will quickly be elevated to a hate crime.

At 9:55 AM , Blogger Aunt B said...

Exador, I would love it if you called me 'cupcake.' If you want to piss me off, you're going to have to start thinking of terms that don't remind me of Bogart.

I mean, really. So far this week, you've threatened to kiss me, slap my ass, and call me charming names. And now you're threatening to do it in front of my friends.

Oh, no, handsome man! Please, don't show affection for me in front of anyone! I would just hate it if some cute, charming, smart guy who I find pleasantly disconcerting felt compelled to come here and give me a hard time. What torture that would be.

At 9:49 PM , Blogger Tennessee Jed said...

Well said, brother!


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