Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Why I Support Gay Marriage

I think there is some kind of referendum or amendment or something coming up here in Tennessee about gay marriage. I am all for gay marriage, and if the referendum is worded in such a way that I can figure out the right way to vote, I'm going to vote for allowing gay marriage in Tennessee. But, I must point out, I voted on the infamous butterfly ballot in Palm Beach County, so I'm never really quite sure what I'm voting for anymore.

Frankly, I don't give a shit who marries who and why they do it and how long it lasts. I've been married. Go do what you want. I don't care if you're gay. The reason I want to allow gay marriage is simple: My back.

I have "catastrophic" insurance. I can't even really afford that, but I keep it anyway. It is over $250 a month, and it is there in case I get cancer or alzheimers or get put in a pen and shot by a crazy country music singer with a bow and arrow. I've been having back problems lately. I've been going to the chiropractor four days a week for three weeks, and my back is unbelieveably better. When I started, the office manager asked for my insurance card.

I said, "I'll give it to you, but it won't do any good."

She said she'd call anyway, just to see. The next morning she said, "You were right, your deductible for this kind of thing is $15,000."

That's right, folks. Listen up, those of you bitching about having $20 a month taken out of your paycheck, and then having to also pay ten whole dollars when you go see a doctor, try working for yourself. I have to pay for everything that doesn't require me to get a life flight to the emergency room, plus I pay $6,000 a year in premiums.

Insurance is the biggest fucking racket in the world.

So my girlfriend works for a liberal, tree-hugging company that already recognizes co-habitation as a legitimate dependent, because they have to accomodate all the gay couples in the organization. She said if she moved in, I could get on her insurance. The big stumbling block is the whole moving in thing. I've already got a five-year-old girl there, I don't need another female living there, anymore than she would want to live with me.

So I want to marry a guy. I've known several people who have married foreigners for various illegal reasons, mostly to help them get citizenship or a green card. But the government is onto that scam, and they have ways of figuring out if you are really married or not. Remember the movie "Green Card?"

But there is no system in place to figure out if two dudes were really married in order for one of them to get on the other's insurance. And I can't imagine them coming up with a decent system to sniff out this "fraud" for a long time. In a house full of guy stuff, whose to say what is mine and what is his.

Attention all single, men with good insurance. If this bill passes, I'm looking for a husband. You don't even have to be gay.


At 5:53 PM , Blogger newscoma said...

Well, Sarcastro already got married a few weeks back, didn't he?
How about CLC?

At 10:51 PM , Anonymous Sista said...

I agree with Kinky Friedman on the gay marriage thing. They have just as much right to be as miserable as the rest of us are!!!

At 10:53 PM , Anonymous sista said...

I fear that if CLC were to marry, he'd not be as sweet and happy as he is. He would turn all crotchety and bitchy. Again, that misery like the rest of us would come into play.

At 11:15 AM , Blogger jag said...

Better call Universal Pictures and sue - they stole your idea

At the very least, they should offer you a cameo for the extra pay of $15,000.

At 2:46 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

You may want to look into a Health Savings Account. Could save you few hundred in taxes. Although, sounds like you already spend 7.5% of your income on healthcare anyway, and you could deduct directly.


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