Saturday, March 04, 2006

The customer is . . . an idiot

I have a crazy house. Actually, the house is a typical 50-year-old Nashville brick ranch in a neighborhood full of 50-year-old Nashville brick ranches. The guy I bought it from lived there for 30 years, and he liked to stay busy. Meaning he built stuff. The back yard is like my own little compound. For instance, my kid has her own playhouse, with a loft bed, ceiling fan, heat, air and yes, cable. There is a full bath and a half bath on my property in various buildings that are not my house. This is all on a typical 50-year-old Nashville brick ranch neighborhood lot. It's pretty goofy.

One thing he built, which I don't care too much about, is a big-ass koi pond. The koi pond requires some maintenance, but it's not too bad. I just got done cleaning the filter, and my hands are nearly numb. So I decided to come here and type this story.

When I moved in, there were two really big fish and about a dozen smaller ones. Sometime last fall, something, probably some kind of bird, came along and gradually ate all the small fish while I wasn't looking. So I was left with two big fish.

Last spring, I looked in the pond, and lo and behold, there were a couple dozen tadpoles swimming around. Not good, thinks I. So I went to the fish store, where the conversation went thusly:

Clerk: Can I help you

Me: I have tadpoles in my pond

Clerk: We don't have any tadpoles. I think you can order them online.

Me: No, I don't want tadpoles, I said I have tadpoles in my pond.

Clerk (puzzled): Oh.

Me: Do you have anything to get rid of them?

Clerk (puzzleder): No.

Me: There isn't anyway to kill them?

Clerk: Not that I know of.

Me (flustered): Well, what's going to happen?

Clerk (look of bemused pity): Well, eventually they'll turn into frogs and hop away.

Anyway, they weren't tadpoles, they were little baby koi. Turns out the two big ones are a mommy and a daddy.


At 7:58 PM , Blogger Memphis Steve said...

Ah, that's so sweet. And eventually they'll eat those babies 'cause fish just do that. Yeah, and they probably ate the others, too. Mean, wicked, nasty canibal fish!

At 11:43 PM , Blogger Tennessee Jed said...

Do you feed the fish?

I love your blog, I would like to place a link to this blog on mine if I may.

At 9:35 AM , Blogger Nashville Knucklehead said...

Those things are weird. When it gets cold, you don't feed them. That means 5 or six months without food. And if the pond freezes, they just freeze with it. When they thaw out, they just go about their business as if nothing happened.

Link away.


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